It’s Saturday night and you’re on a date with a handsome, sweet guy – and you are freaking out.
You can feel your chest pounding Your hands shake ferociously under the table. The nervousness manifests in the pit of your stomach and you start to think, “My heart is pounding so loud. I hope he can’t hear it.”
If you’ve experienced anything like this on a date, you might be struggling with social anxiety. And today, you’re going to learn the exact three steps you can take to get rid of it and stop it from wrecking your dating life. Let’s jump into it.
On a date you might be thinking, “What if I run out of things to say and there's an awkward silence? What if I try to make a joke and he gets offended? What if I tell him a story that gets boring and I don't realize it and he just sits there silently judging me?
What do those questions all have in common? They are centered around you.
And these self-centered fears are what causes your anxiety.
On top of that, it's a vicious cycle.
If you’re constantly worrying what he thinks about you...it's going to ruin your chances of feeling confident and acting in an attractive way.
Instead, you need to get out of your head by putting your self-centered fears aside...and focusing entirely on building a connection with HIM.
When you put aside your self-centered fears, you start to realize that cute guy sitting across from you is just as worried about what you're thinking...and desperately wants to impress you too. He’s trying to see you and understand you and get to know you. This puts you at ease because you see you’re not the only person here trying to make a good impression.
Here’s what happens when you get out of your own head.
Let’s say you’re on a blind date set up by a mutual friend. It might be easy to focus on your shaking hands, wondering what your breath smells like, and other self-doubting thoughts. But you don’t. You choose to focus on appreciation and looking for the positive side of things.
You enjoy the moment – the surprising shared passion you both have for a particular hobby or a drink that you’re enjoying. And you refuse to spend even a second thinking about the one awkward moment when you spilled your glass of wine.
You go home, and if your mind starts overthinking every single sentence you said that night, you immediately focus on remembering the laughs, great conversation, and jokes.
Now, maybe you're thinking, “That sounds great but how do I actually get myself out of my own head and the cycle of negative thoughts."
Well, here's an easy exercise to work towards that goal: I want you to have a five minute conversation with one stranger this week. I don’t care if it’s at the grocery store, work, a cafe, or wherever. I want you to make the effort to stop thinking about everything that could go wrong and think about the other person.
If you’re at a cafe, ask the barista how his day is going. Ask if it’s been busy and if he has any exciting plans for the weekend. Then thank him for the nice chat and go on about your day. You’ll see that once you get out of your head and take action, you can start to generate positive energy in your own life and the lives of others.
Now that you’ve got out of your head, you can shift your focus to the guy you're with...which will help you overcome anxiety even more.
The best way to do this is to listen to what he has to say and ask questions about him. And I’m not talking about half-listening while you panic in your head. I’m talking about really focusing on what your date is saying. Listen to his words, pay attention to his body language, smile at him, and make eye contact.
Just let yourself live in the moment.
Really think about what he’s telling you he likes and his opinions on certain topics. Think about how he’s looking at you in the eye and match his energy.
By doing this, you’ll make him feel appreciated. Did you know studies show people get more pleasure from talking about themselves than they do from eating food or making money?
Indulge him in talking about himself and his opinions. Researchers found happy people are ten times more likely to be other-oriented than self-centered. By focusing on him and learning more about him, you’ll both be more content as a result.
Imagine you’re still on that blind date set up by the mutual friend. You’re having a good time and focusing on HIM instead of YOU. You’re asking questions and showing him you want to know more about his likes, dislikes, and life. You try to understand who he is and where he’s coming from about different topics. You feel relaxed, intrigued, and interested. He is loving that you want to know all about him. This is setting the foundation to build a connection with him.
Now, I want you to be able to practice focusing on others in your everyday life so you don’t have any problem doing it on dates. So this week, ask someone their perspective on a topic. It can be a friend, stranger, or coworker.
You can say, “Hey did you hear about X in the news? What do you think about that?” Or you can say, “What’s your favorite movie? Why?”
Personally, I like weird questions that I find entertaining and interesting.
In the past week, here’s a few questions I’ve asked:
It’s important to give people an opportunity to share their stories. If you’re curious about people and life, then every single person has something interesting to teach and offer you. Try to understand their perspective and what they have to share. This will help you practice connecting with others and see what it’s like to take the focus off yourself and make it about someone else.
Now, maybe you’re thinking, “Okay, I’ll take the time to learn about the person I’m with...but eventually, I’ll have to talk back. What if I say the wrong thing?” Well, that brings us to the third step..
The best way to stop worrying about being anxious or saying the right thing is to validate his emotions. This is how you never run out of things to say, because you can always fall back on validating his emotions when it doubt.
For example, he says, “I went on a hike this one time and got lost in the woods for two days! It was pretty scary.” You can say, “Wow, that sounds terrifying” to validate his feelings.
Or if he says, “I went to this event the other day for singles. I felt so awkward!” You can say, “My friend made me go to one of those years ago. I felt really awkward too. Did they make you do embarrassing icebreakers?” By validating his feelings, you can create a deeper emotional connection with him.
To begin practicing more empathy during conversation, I want you to validate three people’s feelings over the next week. It doesn’t matter who. Maybe a coworker says to you, “I’m so stressed out. I have a million things to do!” You can say, “It sounds like you’re overwhelmed. Is there anything I can do to help?” Or a friend says, “I’m having a great day! I’ve been so productive.” You can say, “You sound so happy! That’s awesome that you're having a nice day!” Everyone craves having their feelings validated.
By taking the pressure off of yourself and empathizing with others, you will have an easier time building strong emotional connections with people. This will be the key to having a successful first date with a guy that moves into more dates and eventually a relationship.
Today, you gained a few of my favorite relationship insights on how to overcome social anxiety. You learned that you need to get out of your head and focus on the person you’re with. And that it’s important to empathize with others to create powerful emotional connections.
I know that it can be hard to get started. I also used to struggle with social situations in the past. There was a point in time where I couldn’t even look a woman in the eye without sweating.
But like you, I was motivated to change. I know that if you take action and apply these steps, you’ll begin to experience more ease and relaxation in social situations.
It’s all possible, if you simply try it.
Now, if you’d like to learn a step-by-step approach to meet the man of your dreams without stressing out then you should click here to check out a free presentation for my brand-new program called “Inside the Male Mind.”
Get ready. It’s going to completely change how you think about men and what they really want.