What are things in dating that you’re doing with great intentions but getting horrible results?
Let’s talk about something that almost all women do…
It’s so common…and it also just happens to be a massive turn-off for high quality men.
This is especially true for ambitious, successful women…
Now, before I tell you what this is…
I want to tell you about a science experiment discussed in Dale Carnegie’s book - How To Win Friends and Influence People.
They interviewed a bunch of criminals…murderers, gangsters, people that have done terrible things to society…
And they asked them what they think about themselves.
And almost 99 out of a hundred of these people think that deep down they are good people…
They were able to justify everything that they did and nothing, and nothing stopped them from truly believing that they were a positive contributor to the world.
Now that is crazy first of all, but it tells us something really important…
It tells us we can have a distorted view of ourselves and how our actions affect others.
So before you say, Jason, I don’t do the number 1 turnoff for men… consider reading the rest of this post.
The number 1 turn off for men is a woman who criticizes them or complains to them… whether it’s on purpose or done reactively.
You might criticize someone without even realizing it...
Oftentimes this shows up in the form of giving out advice… even if it seems soft and gentle.
If we see someone that needs help or is struggling, or maybe they're just trying to achieve something that we have a lot of experience in… we know we can give them really good feedback and….
We might offer them some of our experience and say something like: “Well, I see that you're doing this, but why not try this?”
Right? And that seems pretty logical and normal in a relationship…
You want someone who's going to be helpful to you and you to them.
However, advice giving almost always is met with feelings of…
Number one, defensiveness…
Like what's wrong with what I'm doing?
Are you saying that I'm not good enough?
Or number two, even if they listen to you and take your advice, there's still going to be a hit to their pride and ego.
Because when you give advice…especially without being asked for it, you’re saying…
I’m big and you’re little. I’m better and you’re inferior.
So even if you're trying to help people by telling them that what they're doing isn't necessarily the best thing and there's a better way to do it…
There's almost no situation where that is the best way to go about it.
In fact, it's been proven again and again by social scientists…
That the absolute best way to help people is through positive feedback…praising them for their actions.
People always do better when they're praised for doing the right thing… as opposed to being criticized and being given advice for something that they're not doing the best way possible.
You can't help someone unless they:
And it's very rare that all three of those things happen. And until all three of those things happen, giving unsolicited advice…well, it's just not helpful.
So the next time you decide to give "advice" just remember that it could have unintended consequences... And make him less attracted to you.